Having a chronic illness such as fibromyalgia really does take its toll on you, especially when you have a ton of other stuff along with it like me. It waxes and wanes but it never goes away, at least it doesnât for me. Right now I must say itâs as bad as it has ever been before. My pain level has driven me so far down that even my positive outlook is suffering. I am so sick of being sick.
My only escape is the sleep I get but now the pain is twisting my dreams and I canât even escape it there now. I awake so sore that it makes me want to scream out just to move. Iâm as tired when I wake up as I was when I went to bed. Relief seems to be escaping me these days.
Get more exercise, thatâs what they say. They have no idea how hard that is to do when every movement makes you want to flinch with pain. When walking any distance at all makes your spine feel as though itâs just going to crumble apart and disintegrate. I do what I can, I walk short distances, I do leg lifts in my chair, but itâs hard. I wish others could understand how hard.
Lose weight. I try, I really do. Without being able to be as active as you need to be itâs a very hard thing to do. I know my weight, which was put on after falling ill, makes it worse. It makes my self-image worse too which doesnât help things at all. I wish I could lose it and Iâm trying hard to, but itâs a slow process feeling as I do.
Take your meds. I do, I promise I do, just as they tell me to do, but it isnât helping enough. I have missed them and I was lucky not to spend the day curled up in a ball on the floor, so I know they help, but they arenât doing enough. There has to be something out there that will help give me my life back.
Depression? Sure, I struggle with depression. When there isnât a part of your body that doesnât hurt all of the time, you might be depressed too. I think those of us who function with this are a lot stronger than people give us credit for.
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I canât even eat without experiencing symptoms. I eat something, it sends me running to the bathroom. There isnât an aspect of living that fibromyalgia or the slew of co-existing conditions do not touch. You name it, there is an ill effect to go along with it.
The symptoms feed off each other, each one causing the others to be worse. I try to stay positive. I know this will pass and I will feel better, but even then I wonât feel good. I have my good spells but even then there is still the ever-present pain, depression, stomach issues etc. Still, there are better times when I can do more and enjoy more, but what do I do in the meantime?
Iâm getting worn down, physically, mentally and emotionally. Iâm losing hope that there are good days ahead and that relief can be found. I mustnât let myself get like that, I must always believe there is hope, but right now thatâs hard.
I must hold onto the thought that this too shall pass. I just hope it passes quickly.
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References:
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